My prayer today...

My heart melts at the love of Jesus,
my brother, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh,
married to me, dead for me, risen for me;
He is mine and I am his,
given to me as well as for me;
I am never so much mine as when I am his,
or so much lost to myself until lost in him;
then I find my true manhood.

But my love is frost and cold, ice and snow;
Let his love warm me,
lighten my burden,
be my heaven;
May it be more revealed to me in all its influences
that my love to him may be more fervent and glowing;
Let the mighty tide of his everlasting love cover the rocks of my sin and care;
Then let my spirit float above those things
which had else wrecked my life.

Make me fruitful by living to that love,
my character becoming more beautiful every day.
If traces of Christ's love-artistry be upon me,
may he work on with his divine brush
until the complete image be obtained
and I be made a perfect copy of him, my master.

The Valley of Vision

The Lord hears me when I call...

So, my sister-in-law told me I had to write a follow up post to yesterday and she's right, I do! God works in mysterious ways and I'm humbled and awed by His tenderness and presence in our lives. Right after I got to work yesterday, I got an email from Dave saying my parents had called on their way to the airport. They had read my email and felt it was totally the Lord speaking to them. Turns out, their time of waiting had finally come to an end and God had answered. They have been desperately trying to sell their house, as they felt God's leading, and it has been quite the rollercoaster. First, it was, "I can't believe you're selling the house." We were ALL so sad. But, we knew if God was leading, then it had to be so. Then, they were showing the house constantly, got an offer, and it totally fell through. Suddenly, it became, "Ugg...I wish you could sell the house." Amazing how God slowly transforms our hearts to His will, isn't it??? Well, my parents got an offer on their house a couple of days ago and were waiting to hear back on their counter offer. They were leaving for a big trip and just wanted the peace of mind that all was taken care of. My mom was so discouraged, knowing she had to leave for the airport and they hadn't heard anything yet. I reminded her that regardless of if God answers our prayers, we need to trust Him and be at peace. So, anyhoo, David emailed me right after I got to work and said my parents heard back on the house 5 minutes before they had to leave for the airport and were able to sign the offer. Soooooooooooo exciting! It was so humbling to realize that God had heard our prayers and was merciful and gracious in answering that prayer before they left. Pretty awesome. I can't believe my Bible study yesterday was on how God can orchestrate events and people to bring about His will and right in the midst of reading that, He was orchestrating events and people to bring about His will in my parents' lives. We have a God who hears, who answers when we call, who knows our deepest groans and desires, and who loves us enough to know what is best and right for us. I'm so grateful to Him and to Him be all the glory!

Inspired by the Holy Spirit...

So, after writing on my blog last night, I had the greatest morning! I got to bed later than I wanted to. I put out my workout clothes and just decided that if I was able to get up at 5:30 and go work out, I would. If I had trouble sleeping or couldn't get up, all well...things happen. So, last night I was able to sleep, but woke up several times in the night. It was an ok night of sleep. My alarm went off at 5:30 and out of habit, I pressed the snooze button. To my shock and utter amazement, I was wide awake! My immediate thought was, "Marci, surely you are not that awake. Go back to sleep." And then I realized, wait, this is what I've been wanting for weeks. Get up! Take advantage of this!!! So, I got up, made coffee, and decided to have my devotions outside. It's actually pretty light outside at that time! I had my workout clothes on so I could have my devotions, my first cup of coffee, and be at the gym by 6:30 or so. This was turning out to be a great morning.

...and then the Holy Spirit worked. I'm doing a Beth Moore study and also working my way through a book of Puritan prayers called "The Valley of Vision". If you don't have it, go get it! It's so rich and full of truth and wisdom!!!! Anyhow, it just so happened (not really, it was not a coincidence) that the puritan prayer I read this morning also connected with the day I was on in the Beth Moore study. It was all about waiting for God's timing and recognizing that He is at work in the "waiting" time. As many of you know, David and I would LOVE to be parents but for some reason feel that we just have to wait. Neither of us want to but are trusting that God has a reason for causing us to wait...even if that means just exercising faithfulness and trust in Him. It's NOT easy!!!! But, I was so encouraged and strengthened by what I was learning.

My parents are also going through a time of testing and waiting and I just felt the Holy Spirit telling me to write to them this morning as soon as I was done studying and encourage them with the Scriptures and notes I had read. It dawned on me that they were leaving for a trip today and might not get my email. So, I called my mom and told her to check her email before she left. When I asked when they were leaving she said, "Oh, we're rushing around, trying to get out the door." I could tell that she was down and discouraged and that the Holy Spirit had interceded in my life on her behalf to encourage them before I left.

Well, this all took so long...doing my devotions...writing an email to my parents...calling my mom...that before I knew it, there was no way I had time to go work out. Was I frustrated?...actually, no! I kind of chucked at the Lord when I realized that He was the one who sprung my eyes open this morning at 5:30. It was not me! And when I got my workout clothes on this morning?...little did I know that that was actually for some spiritual exercise, not physical. That's ok because I feel GREAT! This morning was definitely a workout...a workout of trust, faithfulness, love, admiration, wisdom, and truth in God's Word! And...the Lord worked all that together so that not only would I be edified, but I would have time to write my parents just in time for them to print out the email and take it with them to the airport. WOW!! God is AMAZING! It was so cool.

So, "my" plans didn't go accordingly. I didn't wake up at 5:30 to accomplish it all! But, God divinely used it to speak encouragement and strength to someone else who needed it as much as I did! If I have time, I'll try to post the puritan prayer and scriptures I sent to my mom! For, now, I have to go get ready for work but I just had to share how God already used my willingness to let go of "my schedule" to bring glory to Himself through my submission and trust in Him! Praise God!!!!!! To HIM and HIM ALONE be the glory for working all these things together for our good! Now, if I could only get to work on time. Yeah, I'm going to let that one go. I will just have to work a little late tonight. But, this morning was worth it!!!!

Boring...

Well, I wish I had something more interesting to write about right now but I just don't. Life feels like it's been so hectic...and yet so stagnant. I can hardly believe it's mid-July. I keep thinking to myself, "oh, yeah, I should get this or that done by 4th of July." And then I realize, "Marci, that was like 2 weeks ago!" I keep waiting for summer to come and then I realize summer is almost over! They are already putting out school supplies for crying out loud! But, I guess that's not saying much since stores are sporting Christmas decor by October!

I will say that life has been a rollercoaster. We got back from the Grand Canyon back in April and nothing was really on the horizon. I was a little down after having such an amazing vacation and then coming back with nothing to really look forward to. It's like I blinked and now I'm here. It's just been crazy.

Just a note about my anxiety...things have been going really well but there are always ups and downs. Lately, it's been down. I attribute a lot of that to moving...although great...it's a big transition: new neighborhood, new drive, new noises, new routine. That kind of change is much harder on me than I like to admit and I'm also a perfectionist. I want to do it all and do it all right away. I want to wake up at 5:30 before the alarm even has a chance to go off, work out, have my time in the Word, eat breakfast, make a healthy lunch, and get to work just shy of 8:30. Sooooooooo....back to the real world! I've really had to learn to let go of all that.

My friend Julie and I just started setting up weekly goals for ourselves. This week, I wanted to be prepared with food everyday for work. I wanted a healthy lunch and a couple of healthy snacks. I was feeling so eager and so ready by Sunday evening. I thought, "heck! I can do more than just be prepared with lunches this week!" I crawled into bed at 8:45 after cleaning the house, grocery shopping, meal planning, unpacking boxes, laying out my workout clothes, and lunch already packed for the next day. Then....total insomnia. This has come out of nowhere for about a week and half now and I found myself so frustrated. Just a tip...the worst thing for insomnia is getting more and more frustrated...it definitely doesn't make you tired!!!

I had to email my friend Julie at our weekly appointed time to tell her about how I was doing with my goal this week. Did I get to bed early every night? No. Did I workout? Just once. Did I have everything in order? No. But I did make my lunch everyday. Life happens! And I need be ok with letting go of order. I picked something and I made that happen. If it turns out that I'm able to go workout a few times this week or wake up when my alarm goes off, great! But maybe that's something to tackle next week!

I feel so torn by this because I want to be someone who takes advantage of time, who captivates time, who doesn't let time just pass me by. But, I think in the midst of letting my schedule "rule" me, time is passing by regardless. I think I need to be ok with my calendar changing up a bit and being ok with things that just don't happen. Or, even letting go of things I have scheduled. David and I had to cancel our cable subscription when we moved. We debated what we would do for tv at our new place...cable...digital box...satellite. And I have to tell you, 6 weeks has gone by and I don't miss it! I'm sure many of you think I'm crazy and I probably would have thought I was crazy too. But, it's allowed me to take a breather and just enjoy my surroundings. It's kind of a nice vacation. Maybe I need to just enjoy that and let life fall into place a little bit...let things settle. I even started reading Jane Austin books...so fun.

Well, here I am, folding laundry, with "nothing" on my mind and out pops a blog post! I literally was planning on writing, "I have nothing to say...so boring...so sorry." But maybe it was a good time to just journal a little! Or maybe you're someone like me who feels like time is passing you by and you feel overwhelmed. Well, I encourage you to pick one thing to focus your mind on and set a goal this week for that one thing. Maybe you're someone who doesn't feel motivated or overwhelmed to do anything. Make a plan, don't let time just pass by. Finally do that one thing you've been planning on doing for such a long time.

Our New Abode

No, we didn't buy it but it's the next best thing...we are renting! This was such an amazing answer to prayer! We were living in an apartment and weren't necessarily unhappy but were just wishing and hoping and praying for a house. With the housing market as it is, we know it's a great time to buy but we just aren't financially ready for that right now. Our apartment when we moved there was such a blessing and was more space than we'd ever had before. We enjoyed it but were constantly bombarded by loud neighbors, smoking neighbors, and lots of noise. We never felt truly settled there but always wanted to be thankful for God's provision. We had a message from our apartment manager letting us know our lease was coming up and she hoped we would renew. I sarcastically looked at David and said, "are we moving?" He grinned at me and said, "uh...no!". Seeing as we had just moved a year ago, neither of us were in the mood to pack up and shift our home again. The next day, my good friend, Beth, emailed me and said there was a house around the corner for rent in the historical district of Corona, one of our favorite parts of town. Dave was already asleep and I just laid awake and couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of a house. I told God that if he wanted us to move, I would entrust this whole situation into his hands. That was Tuesday...Wednesday morning at Bible study, Beth gave me the flier for the house. It was too good to be true...it was about $75 more than we were paying for an apartment. The house has been converted into a duplex, so we are renting the bottom of the house. After Bible study, I ran over to Dave's work and said, "you have to look at this. I know we said we wouldn't move, but this is just crazy!" He picked up the phone, dialed the number, and the landlord said, "How did you hear about this? I just put the sign out yesterday." He told us to come and look that night. We instantly fell in love with the landlords and the house, and I think they were thrilled to put the house in our hands. By Friday we were signing papers and two weeks later, we moved in. It's been a whirlwind to say the least but we feel so undeservingly blessed by God's grace! Our constant prayer since stepping foot into the house is that it be used for ministry. David has gotten super involved in the college group at our church and is absolutely loving it...and begging me to get involved as well. We are just beside ourselves and have had so much fun already. I have rosebushes all along the front walkway and have been clipping them for vases around the house everyday. David is loving having a garage is is contanstly looking for reasons he needs a new tool for the house. We have been able to have family over (my brother Jim, sister-in-law, Carrie, and nieces) and my parents were in town this week. What a joy to share it with them. We even hosted a big birthday bash for Jim, Carrie, and Charlie, whose birthdays are all in a row. Such fun! My home is open to you so if you are in town or nearby, please come by! I can't post the address, as David will not allow me to for security purposes but I will send out an address change soon. If you do not hear from me, I may not have your email. So, let me know!

Where has the time gone?

Wow, I just noticed that the last time I posted was in March. That's embarrassing. I wish I could tell you where the time has gone but I have no idea. Why does time go by faster when you're an adult...particularly weekends??? I feel like I have so many things to say and yet I have no idea where to even begin. There are so so many things "upon my soul" right now and I am often in the car thinking, "yes, I need to write about that on my blog." Who knows who's even still out there checking in on my blog, however, it's a great way to journal!

David and I recently took a huge trip to the Grand Canyon. We backpacked in the backcountry for 5 days and, although many of you think I'm crazy, I am still alive...and better because of it. It was a life-changing experience for me and something I will never forget. I even hope to do it again someday. It was one of the most restful vacations I've ever taken and I did a lot of soul searching and "soul rest". To be in something so breathtaking and quiet was exactly what my soul needed. If you'd like to see some pictures of our trip, click on the link on the right-hand side of my page that says, "David and Marci's Website" and you can click on the link for Grand Canyon pics. I was only a taste of what I imagine heaven to be like and the beauty encapsulated in my Savior. I was sleeping when we arrived and David said, "Marci, look, there it is." When I sat up I literally gasped out loud and could not breathe for several seconds. I've never seen something that magnificent.

Other than that, David and I have been working like crazy. Praise the Lord, we do still have jobs and ones that we enjoy. However, life is so hectic and when I do have downtime, I don't even want to go near a computer or tv.

Well, I did actually have a purpose to writing this post but felt I had to do some quick catching up before I launched into my soap box. I'm so caught up in the busyness sometimes and it frustrates me. I just started teaching the 6th grade girls at church and will be teaching 5th grade girls next year. I had a million things to do today and when I finally had some down time, the last thing I wanted to do was sit down with my Bible and prepare. Why is that? Why do I buy into the lie that time with God is exhausting and if I'm truly tired, He'd probably agree that I should take a nap. Probably 5 minutes in to getting into the Word, I felt the heaviness of my eyelids and thought a nap in the sunshine of my bedroom would be the perfect end to a Saturday. But, I just couldn't. I really needed to be prepared because these girls deserve someone committed to them and I want them to be passionate about God's Word. So, I continued on. I even spiced it up with a nice glass of wine and some crackers and cheese. Slowly but surely, my heart was at peace, the busyness of the day subsided, and I felt rested. David and I even got to sit and watch the sunset while we discussed what we were learning in God's Word and I felt like I learned some new things from him and his perspective. Why don't I do this more often? Why do I sleep in later than I should, press the snooze button a million times, in the hopes that when I rise I will be more rested than if I'd gotten up a half an hour earlier?

My eyes of my soul are set on the Lord and that brings worship to my heart. Not only do I feel that the things of this world have washed from my soul, but I feel filled with the Spirit. I feel like I've learned this lesson so many times. I never want my devotions to be something to just check off a list or wake up early because I know I "should". Rather, I want to spring out of bed because I can't wait to learn more about Christ and respond with worship. I want to crave time with Him and for my soul to ache when I am distant. There are so many things that can fill my time and I often choose TV when I have downtime. It requires nothing of me in return and I'm entertained. But I cannot name one single time I have turned the TV off and said, "wow, I'm so at peace and I feel so rested and rejuvinated." More often, I actually feel like my brain is so stuffed and over-stimulated that it's what I think about all day and all night. What a thick skull I have! Well, it's my desire to work on this this week. I want to set my heart on the Lord. When I see Him face-to-face, I want to be able to look at Him and say, "Oh Jesus, I have learned so much about you and I can't wait for more!"

Ok...I truly hope I can write more often. I apologize. Life is in a place where my head is down and I'm just pushing through! But, it's a great time to seek God above all things and cling to Him! I hope this was encouraging to you...

Lucy and Charlie Visit

We got to go visit Lucy after she got home from the hospital. What a fun day that was. Charlie made us a picture which is still proudly posted on our refrigerator. I can't bear to take it down. My favorite is the part that says, "Charlie eats crayons", an episode that apparently took place before we arrived and resulted in naptime. Oh Charlie, you are so precious. We also made dinner for Jim and Carrie and Charlie immediately grabbed the stool to help Auntie Marci make calzones...something I treasure in my heart and hope she never stops doing! Here are some pictures of our visit:

Lucy Lauren is here

My niece was born and we were so blessed to be able to go visit Jim, Carrie, and Lucy in the hospital. For now, here are a couple of pictures. We will be seeing them and Charlie this weekend and will post more pics then.

Oh what a beautiful morning...

...oh what a beautiful day...I've got this beautiful feeling...everything's going my way.

Well, that was two days ago. But I had to write you about it. I know it's been a long time since my last post and I don't even know who checks up on my blog anymore. The last few months are a blur. Where did Halloween go? When was Thanksgiving? Was Christmas just a few shorts weeks ago?

I wish I could sit here and tell you that the last few months have been glorious and happy and healthy. Unfortunately, not. I woke up one night in a full-body sweat and was panting. I'd had a nightmare that threw back into the vicious cycle of anxiety. I was up most the night and I can honestly tell you it was the second worse panic attack I've had thus far.

I was reading something recently that said, "isn't it always harder to go through something a second time?" This stopped me in my tracks as I realized that yes, it is! I feel like the first time I was really dealing with anxiety, I was on a rampage to find answers and to heal from some things. I was earnestly seeking the Lord daily as I longed to understand what good could come from all this. And I definitely found good! I found that my faith was strengthened and I believed in my Savior more than ever and clung to His sacrifice...the best kind of good! But this time around, I was just plain weary. I didn't even know what to say. I thought that I had come to such a good place and now I felt as though I had taken so many steps backward that I couldn't possibly go through it again. It made me sad as I realized that I was just stuck. Reading this quote just made me realize how easily we give up.

Well, it's winter in So Cal...88 degrees! After my time in the Word the other day, I got my shoes on and dragged my feet all the way out the front door to go to the gym and work out. It was such a beautiful day and I spontaneously decided I'd rather go on a run outside. I grabbed my ipod and armband and headed out...not sure where I would go or how long it would take me (great metaphor!) My husband, Dave, has a running playlist of all worship songs and I thought, what the hay, I'll give it a listen. Chris Tomlin started ringing through my ears and I was off. When I was bringing my run to an end, the song Everlasting God started playing. Some of the lyrics go: "You are the Everlasting God, the Everlasting God. You do not faint, You won't grow weary." And I thought about what I had reflected on that morning and it just hit me. The Lord NEVER grows weary. Why, then, do I grow weary and give up so quickly and so easily? If the God of the universe is willing to love me enough to sacrifice His Son for my benefit and greater good to allow relationship with Him, and He's never going to grow weary, why then do I give up? When I know that all things God uses to work together for good and bring glory to Himself, why do I give up? I wanted to finish my run strong as a testimony and symbol to God that even when I'm tired, I want him to know that I would give it my all.

At one point, I looked ahead of me and it was the straight and narrow path leading home. I thought, "there's no way I can run all that way. I'm tired. I'll just walk." Another metaphor! No, I needed to keep running. I needed to build my physical endurance so that when I am weary and tired spiritually and emotionally, I can remind myself to keep going. I think it also made me realize that when I look so far ahead at life, it seems daunting. I get discouraged at the idea. What I need to do is focus on the sidewalk in front of me and run those few steps....and then some more....and then some more. Before I know it, I will have made it to the finish line. What's important is that I gave my all each step of the way.

Wow...who knew you could get so much out of a run? I hope this is an encouragement to someone out there. More than anything, I think I needed to put my thoughts down and process a little. I have to give a "shout out" to cousin Kari who recently told me that the blogging world was missing me. This one's for you! Hopefully I'm back and will have more to come!